If anyone can somehow prove that they've been to all 7 of these in one consecutive week, I'll buy you a drink at someplace fancy. We'll go get a martini at- where do the rich drink?- a martini bar or an Olive Garden or something like that. A pitcher of strawberry swirl margaritas at Lauriol Plaza? Who knows. Anyway, here it is: the comprehensive E-mail Chain guide to drinking on the cheap in DC.
My work week starts on Mondays, like many people, because it is the first day in which I go to work. This makes Monday one of the shittier days of the week. There is no joke I could make here that Garfield hasn't already made poorly, so I'll just leave it at that. On Monday, go to Duffy's for $2.00 canned beers. This includes the 16oz version of Pabst Blue Ribbon. 16oz for $2.00?! That sounds fantastic. Best part is the deal lasts until 11:30, which is good because Metro closes shortly thereafter. See? Even if you don't live near U Street, you don't have to settle for expensive drinks in your neighborhood. Unless you live in Georgetown. If you do, just do us all a favor and settle, alright?
Tuesday is a strange day. I'm not going to explain that, I just always feel that Tuesdays are a little funny. It's like seeing skinny people on the Tourmobile. It's not necessarily wrong, it just doesn't feel right. In the spirit of doing something that doesn't quite feel right, I'm going to recommend a bar downtown. It's Chef Geoff's. It's not going to be loud. It's not going to be crowded. ESPN and maybe CNN will be on. It's at Metro Center. However, $2.95 "long necks" (what normal people refer to as bottles of beer), $7.95 Super Mugs (33.8oz), $5.95 giant, really good burgers and $8.95 pizza make this something worth your while. Catch a flick at the E Street Cinema before hand perhaps. Or don't and just go drink and eat burgers. Either is OK with me.
OK. I've got U Street covered. Downtown covered. Time to give everyone's favorite least favorite place in DC some love: The Hill! People who work on the hill are pretty weird. It's a given. However, people who DON'T work on the hill and just show up to drink there are much, much weirder. Borderline creepy, actually. This is where you all come in. I have to give it up for the Union Pub. $2.00 Bud, Bud Light and Bud Lime (if you order Bud Lime you need to be institutionalized). The best part is if you order a bucket of 5 beers, it only costs $8.00! And you get a bucket full of beer! Any special involving buckets is fantastic.
Foggy Bottom is home to my favorite watering hole in our fair city, the Froggy Bottom Pub. $2.00 High Life bottles and $2.20 Rolling Rock bottles all night long. I love Miller High Life. I love Froggy Bottom Pub. The graffiti is amazing. The naked frog anthropomorphs are amazing. They even still have red, white, and blue streamers left up from inauguration. I loved Obama's inauguration and I bet you did, too! I'll see you here.
This is a tough day to find a happy hour. The theme here has been that the happy hour goes until close. On the off chance you actually want to do something more epic with your Fridays than just drink, I'll list two options that should be familiar to those who read this blog. Start off at My Brother's Place for an absurd beat-the-clock happy hour. At 4:00 domestic drafts are $0.75. every hour until 9:00 the price goes up $0.25. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
After that, drag your pathetic selves over to DC9 for the open bar prior to the Liberation Dance Party. There you'll enjoy all the rail drinks you can drink for $7.00 from 9:00 until 10:30. If you need more specials after that, you're probably Amy Winehouse and if that's the case it's silly to be reading my blog because you don't live in DC!
It's got to come back to Duffy's. From 9:30 until 1:30 you can enjoy Duffy's normal happy hour of 1/2 priced draft beers and $2.00 cans! That means Guinness, Smithwicks, Hoegaarden, and Shock Top for $3.00. On a Saturday! That's really cool. Specials before 9:30 on a Saturday are an absurd thing to ask for and thus I will not even honor the request. A good example of an unhappy hour in, you guessed it, Georgetown is Sequoia's offer of 5 Miller Lites for $25.00. Stay east of 26th street my friends. Stay east.
The Lord's day. If the Lord lived in Washington, he would brunch. DC loves brunch. Brunch, brunch, brunch all the live-long day. If you're not lucky enough to go to a Bloomingdale pancakes-and-four-square brunch I have one, admittedly inferior, option for you. Kramer Books & Afterwords (Pun!) offers you a $3.00 mimosa or bloody mary and your second drink is only $1.50. Plus their brunch includes orange juice, breakfast breads, and coffee. It's fantastic. A bloody mary makes the world go round.
There you are, E-mail Chain readers. Your guide to the cheapest drinks the whole week through. If I missed something, which is unlikely to say the least, tell me in the comments section. If your happy hour has a time limit, it is already crappier than those listed above.