The E-Mail Chain

Middle of the Week Post: Happy Hour Picks

2009-09-22T01:20:00.003-04:00

I've been spotty on the weekday posts. I feel like a decent compromise between me and my glorious, adoring public (39 of you if Facebook Fans are to be trusted!) is that I do a weekend post and then occasionally I'll half-ass something during the week. Is that cool with everyone? I just watched Obama on Letterman and I have some pent up energy so I've decided to lay down, in online writing, the happy hours I would go to if I had the time and the liver to do it.

If anyone can somehow prove that they've been to all 7 of these in one consecutive week, I'll buy you a drink at someplace fancy. We'll go get a martini at- where do the rich drink?- a martini bar or an Olive Garden or something like that. A pitcher of strawberry swirl margaritas at Lauriol Plaza? Who knows. Anyway, here it is: the comprehensive E-mail Chain guide to drinking on the cheap in DC.

Monday

My work week starts on Mondays, like many people, because it is the first day in which I go to work. This makes Monday one of the shittier days of the week. There is no joke I could make here that Garfield hasn't already made poorly, so I'll just leave it at that. On Monday, go to Duffy's for $2.00 canned beers. This includes the 16oz version of Pabst Blue Ribbon. 16oz for $2.00?! That sounds fantastic. Best part is the deal lasts until 11:30, which is good because Metro closes shortly thereafter. See? Even if you don't live near U Street, you don't have to settle for expensive drinks in your neighborhood. Unless you live in Georgetown. If you do, just do us all a favor and settle, alright?

Tuesday

Tuesday is a strange day. I'm not going to explain that, I just always feel that Tuesdays are a little funny. It's like seeing skinny people on the Tourmobile. It's not necessarily wrong, it just doesn't feel right. In the spirit of doing something that doesn't quite feel right, I'm going to recommend a bar downtown. It's Chef Geoff's. It's not going to be loud. It's not going to be crowded. ESPN and maybe CNN will be on. It's at Metro Center. However, $2.95 "long necks" (what normal people refer to as bottles of beer), $7.95 Super Mugs (33.8oz), $5.95 giant, really good burgers and $8.95 pizza make this something worth your while. Catch a flick at the E Street Cinema before hand perhaps. Or don't and just go drink and eat burgers. Either is OK with me.

Wednesday

OK. I've got U Street covered. Downtown covered. Time to give everyone's favorite least favorite place in DC some love: The Hill! People who work on the hill are pretty weird. It's a given. However, people who DON'T work on the hill and just show up to drink there are much, much weirder. Borderline creepy, actually. This is where you all come in. I have to give it up for the Union Pub. $2.00 Bud, Bud Light and Bud Lime (if you order Bud Lime you need to be institutionalized). The best part is if you order a bucket of 5 beers, it only costs $8.00! And you get a bucket full of beer! Any special involving buckets is fantastic.

Thursday

Foggy Bottom is home to my favorite watering hole in our fair city, the Froggy Bottom Pub. $2.00 High Life bottles and $2.20 Rolling Rock bottles all night long. I love Miller High Life. I love Froggy Bottom Pub. The graffiti is amazing. The naked frog anthropomorphs are amazing. They even still have red, white, and blue streamers left up from inauguration. I loved Obama's inauguration and I bet you did, too! I'll see you here.

Friday

This is a tough day to find a happy hour. The theme here has been that the happy hour goes until close. On the off chance you actually want to do something more epic with your Fridays than just drink, I'll list two options that should be familiar to those who read this blog. Start off at My Brother's Place for an absurd beat-the-clock happy hour. At 4:00 domestic drafts are $0.75. every hour until 9:00 the price goes up $0.25. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

After that, drag your pathetic selves over to DC9 for the open bar prior to the Liberation Dance Party. There you'll enjoy all the rail drinks you can drink for $7.00 from 9:00 until 10:30. If you need more specials after that, you're probably Amy Winehouse and if that's the case it's silly to be reading my blog because you don't live in DC!

Saturday

It's got to come back to Duffy's. From 9:30 until 1:30 you can enjoy Duffy's normal happy hour of 1/2 priced draft beers and $2.00 cans! That means Guinness, Smithwicks, Hoegaarden, and Shock Top for $3.00. On a Saturday! That's really cool. Specials before 9:30 on a Saturday are an absurd thing to ask for and thus I will not even honor the request. A good example of an unhappy hour in, you guessed it, Georgetown is Sequoia's offer of 5 Miller Lites for $25.00. Stay east of 26th street my friends. Stay east.

Sunday

The Lord's day. If the Lord lived in Washington, he would brunch. DC loves brunch. Brunch, brunch, brunch all the live-long day. If you're not lucky enough to go to a Bloomingdale pancakes-and-four-square brunch I have one, admittedly inferior, option for you. Kramer Books & Afterwords (Pun!) offers you a $3.00 mimosa or bloody mary and your second drink is only $1.50. Plus their brunch includes orange juice, breakfast breads, and coffee. It's fantastic. A bloody mary makes the world go round.

There you are, E-mail Chain readers. Your guide to the cheapest drinks the whole week through. If I missed something, which is unlikely to say the least, tell me in the comments section. If your happy hour has a time limit, it is already crappier than those listed above.

Cheers!

Empire State of Mind: The Chain Hits the Road

2009-09-17T15:36:00.003-04:00

What's good in the hood? This weekend myself and a veritable Joe-pocalypse will descend on New York, New York. We will eat, drink, and be merry in a city much larger and much cooler than Washington, D.C. Whatever. I said it and it's true.

Do not despair! I still have some sweet ass tips for those stranded in the District and some more exotic ones courtesy of the Young America's Foundation! The GW chapter of the Young Asshole Fartknockers is not happy that Michelle Obama wants GW to do community service in exchange for her commencement speaking services. Now, you have to wonder why the Young Artisan Felchers would be upset over a successful, intelligent, African-American woman speaking to the class of 2010? You see what I did there? Now on to your weekend!

Friday September 18

I'll be in Bolt Bus bliss by the time you get the party started south of the Mason-Dixon line. However, before I tell you what you should be doing in D.C., let me tell you what you should be doing if you're into hot, 12-way Republican sex.

The Young Anal Fracas are inviting you- yes, you!- to the Reagan Ranch Couple's Weekend! Yes, you and your partner- who better well be not be the same sex as you! no buggering at Ronny's ranch allowed!- will be treated to "a trip you will never forget" because you get to have raucous missionary sex with Nancy Reagan and "an intimate group of five other couples" all weekend long! The Young Awkward Finger-bangers ask that "for more information" you should "please call Jason Barbour at 336-286-1701." Please call. PLEASE.

Well, if that didn't get you all hot and bothered, you're probably one of my regular readers and I therefore apologize for forcing you to read the letters R-O-N-A-L-D-R-E-A-G-A-N in that order.

What you ought to be doing on Friday is heading over to NE to see Wale perform for free! Also, if you test drive a Kia Soul from noon-8:00, you get free tickets to see MGMT this Sunday. Shameless marketing ploy aside, WALE and MGMT for FREE THIS WEEKEND! There is a shuttle from Union Station that'll take you to the spot where this is all going down. It starts at 7:30pm.

Saturday September 19

During the day, starting at noon, there is the H Street Festival! It's free from noon-6:00 and features all sorts of fun sounding things. There is a free party courtesy of BYT at Rock and Roll Hotel. This sounds pretty sweet. Get out of your neighborhood and check this out. The Young Asshat Flirks might be there!

Later on in the evening, if you're NOT going to the Decemberists show at Terminal 5 in New York FUCKING City with a side Joe deep fried in Joe, then I'd recommend Fatback at Liv. You'll dance your pants off to kick ass music and sweat your ass off rubbing up on people's behinds. There is no cover and there is no dress code. Pre-game at Duffy's with 1/2 priced draft beers! Pre-game with the Yuengling's Always Funneled crew where it's always a grand old party!

I'll Keep Writing This Blog When I'm Back At School: You Lie!

2009-09-10T16:38:00.002-04:00

OK fine. I lied. I skipped an entire week of what to do in DC. I've been busy, OK? Classes started. The financial situation got a bit tighter. To be totally honest, street team member Paula visited with a bunch of other degenerates and made me drink Peppermint Schnapps. I've decided to blame Paula for all of this.

Anyway, I'll let you know what I'd be doing if I were going to do anything this weekend. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Who knows? I know one thing. This:

And the Jay-Z song comes on.

Friday September 11

It's always troubling when 9/11 falls on a Friday. Is this the first time this has happened? I've forgotten. Anyways, according to the Washington Examiner, Osama Bin Laden really likes Whitney Houston. Since he currently lives in a cave somewhere and can't enjoy his beloved Whitney Houston, I think it would be appropriate if we mocked his situation by going out and dancing to Whitney Houston music.

I can't guarantee that Wonderland Ballroom will feature any Whitney BUT it does have DJ Stereofaith and DJ Trevor Martin. Stereofaith's Myspace curiously lacks any music. It also looks like he may be double booked, since his MySpace also says he'll be at Policy tonight. Whatever. Trevor Martin's mix sounds really dope. I'd be here if I could be anywhere on this fine Friday night.

Saturday September 12

Worn out after last night? Don't think you should go out tonight? That is a pre-9/11 mentality and you're now living in a post-9/11 weekend. So think again and start acting right.

Where all the white women at? Probably at Mousetrap, billed as "DC's biggest Britpop dance night." It's ten tons of fun and, unfortunately, $10.00 to get in. Strict dollar-per-ton-of-fun policy in effect at the Black Cat. It's a pretty serious good time. I hope they play some Metric, Phoenix, and Wombats! I don't even know if those count as Britpop. What the hell is it anyway? I guess anything that sounds like it could be by the Killers who in turn sound like they could be from Britain. Voila! Britpop! It's also 18+, so go wild, kids.

Sunday September 13

I'll see you at Lucky Bar bright and early for the Aston Villa-Birmingham City game. My beloved Villans take on their arch rival club in England's "Second City Derby!" I assume they'll have it recorded and play it at 10:00, seeing as it starts at 7:00 in the morning on this side of the Atlantic. Really good fish and chips. I'll just be drinking tea.

That's entertainment!

Later on in the day, otherwise known as the night, there is a soiree of sorts. In fact, it's called Art Soiree and it's located at Station 9 on U Street. It features the work of fashion photographer Yulia Gorbachenko, a Georgian, a Moldovan, the Pete Muldoon Band, DJ Manifesto, and DJ Koki. This sounds pretty fancy, so I want to make sure the street team dresses in style. Wear your fanciest knickers!

Back to School Edition: Tenleytown to Brookland as DC Hits the Books

2009-08-30T21:49:00.002-04:00

Since this post will encompass the first days of September, this is obligatory:

So great. It's back to school time, which is excellent because my life is in need some of some serious structure. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to give up my little web pamphlet! Faithful readers, you mean too much to me. I also thoroughly enjoy looking at Google Analytics and seeing a new dozen or so hits each week. The 20 or so people who read this thing regularly, you guys are the best. I will be doing less of the things I post about for a combination of financial and academic reasons. However, that doesn't I mean endorse them any less enthusiastically. IN FACT, my not being able to do some of the things I blawg about hurts me in my heart of hearts, and so I actually want others to do them. So do them. I want it. Make it hurt so good, dear readers.

Monday August 31

Happy Birthday to my mom, Pam! Amazingly, she reads this sometimes and actually thought it was decent! My mom is great! Even the filthy little bible post I wrote, and even I blushed when I wrote that one! Anyways, happy birthday mom!

If you're going to the Killers concert at Merriweather then fuck you. However, if you're not doing that, there are other ways to celebrate my mom's birthday!

My mom appreciates a good glass of wine. I appreciate good deals. Thus, Urbana has the perfect aperitif hour to suit both our tastes. Glasses of wine are $5.00 from 4:00-7:00 and their delicious pizzas are only $8.00. Aperitif hour repeats from 10:00-11:00, so you can have a nightcap if you choose. I'm happy to give Dupont Circle some love, since I rarely send anyone near there. I'm an east-of-18th kind of guy.

For the GW crowd, the 14th Grade Players are part of a student theater showcase at the Betts Theater in the Marvin Center. It starts at 8:00. As an alumni of the theater company I demand YOU GO SEE THIS.

Tuesday September 1st

Wolly Mammoth Theater Company presents Eclipsed, the story of Liberian women brought together by the trials and tribulations civil war. It's a pay-what-you-can performance, so that means for as little as $1.00, you can enjoy some seriously good theater in downtown DC! Barackstars was really good and I'm sure this will be, too!

Wednesday September 2nd

This is a total stab in the dark. I don't even know what this will be like. However, the wikipedia entry for Ian Svenonius convinced me that it will be, at the very least, an interesting way to spend an evening. It's at the Velvet Lounge, which at the very least, has a cool name. It's on U Street, where most good things tend to be. It's called Prove It!, which makes me think this could prove itself to be fun.

Thursday September 3rd

I'm going to rep the Millenium Stage. Local singer and songwriter Benjy Ferree is performing and his stuff sounds pretty cool. It's free. Do it. You all pretty much live in Foggy Bottom. Go. It'll be great. Get beers afterwards at Froggy. $2.00 High Life all night long. This will be what I'm doing. In fact, this is my pick of the week. Millennium Stage and Froggy. Do it.

Have a good first day of school! Make lots of friends!

For All Those Whose Parties Have Been Our Parties: The Dancing Goes On and The Beat Shall Never Die

2009-08-27T13:57:00.008-04:00

Ted Kennedy died this week. You all know this. Here he is making an impassioned plea for Republicans to pull their heads out of their asses and raise the minimum wage. This is a great example of why Ted Kennedy was an awesome Senator.

Now, for your final weekend in August. Get ready to get down.

Friday August 27

This Friday has a plethora of things to be doing. Lucky for you, I'm going to narrow it down to the one thing you need to be doing tonight. Nay, the one thing you need to be doing this summer.

That's right. It's all 90s music all night long with Will Eastman at the 9:30 club with the No Scrubs Dance Party. If you were lucky enough to have attended the 90s versus 2000s party at Black Cat in the spring, you know these parties RULE. Last summer street team member Joe maintains I made out with a girl who was in high school and had braces. I maintain she did not have braces, but I definitely did not ask for a GED, so who knows about her level of schooling? Anyways, this party is a criminal amount of fun. Doors open at 9:00. Roll in at 11:00 and you'll be rocking all night long. $10.00 at the door and ATTENTION ALL UNDER-AGE READERS: this event is all ages. Obviously this can lead to the unfortunate scenario of locking lips with a minor but I think that's a risk we're all willing to take.

Your happy hour this Friday is to gather friends and family around your hearth, raise a glass to Ted Kennedy, and then raise a few more glasses to the No Scrubs Dance Party. I'll see you at the 9:30 Club.

Saturday August 28

My new favorite thing in DC is Duffy's late night happy hour. On Saturday nights, Duffy's offers 1/2 price draft beers, which means $3.00 Smithwicks, Guinnes, and Hoegaarden. That's amazing.

After you've had your fill of cheap Irish draft beer, If I were looking to groove. I'd head a few blocks southwest to Saint Ex's downstairs club space Gate 54. DJ DK is spinning Saturday night and his MySpace sounds pretty promising.

If you don't feel like getting down, E Street Cinema is showing Quentin Tarantino's exquisite Reservoir Dogs at midnight. In case you've forgotten how sick this movie is, here's a clip.

Sunday August 30

Wow! Bonus Sunday post! What fantastic weekend this must be! As I recently and most vulgarly blogged about this past week, GWU students are returning, like so many swallows to Capistrano, to Foggy Bottom. In order to entertain the well tanned denizens of GWU, the Program Board at the college is showing Star Trek in University Yard this Sunday at sun down. I didn't see this movie while it was in theaters, so I'm probably going to hit this up.

Not sure how the outdoor boozing situation will be. I say if you're of age, go for it. The worst they'll do is tell you to stop. I drank white wine and ate ahi tuna in University Yard once, so they're not super strict as long as you keep it super classy. Sorry Schlitz fans.

I'll see you in September.

Welcome Back College Students: Do Not Buy, Hold, or Consume Alcohol While Inside the Club

2009-08-24T09:03:00.004-04:00

Good morning, Washington! College students are descending upon the Distrito Federal this week. As I sit here, checking in fresh-faced GW freshmen, I can't help but be excited for all the fun they're going to have this year at school. In honor of their arrival, this week will feature a "Re-live Freshmen Year Fun Tip!" for each day of the week.

I am also painting my dining room this week! This has no bearing on anyone else's week but it's my blog so suck it.

Monday August 24

RFYFT: As soon as someone leaves the room you're in, begin furiously masturbating. Bonus nostalgia points if someone walks in on you whilst masturbating to your dirty little porn videos, you deviant. No woman will ever love you! You're chafing!

The main problem with pub quizzes is that they all seem to start too early. Surprisingly, Tonic in Foggy Bottom has answered my prayers with a quiz night that starts at 8:30! Seating begins around 7:00. Now, I know what you're thinking. "Pat, Tonic is like getting kicked in the taint and then being overcharged for a low-quality taint kick!" Hold on there, desperado. Their happy hour is really, really good. They also have the decency to have $3.00 Miller High Lifes during trivia. As per usual, their food specials are bullshit but the $0.50 wings are still some of the best wings I've ever tasted. Do this tonight OR what's more likely is you get a quiz team together and actually go at some point in the future! You could win a $50.00 bar tab.

Tuesday August 25

RFYFT: Get drunk and tell your girlfriend who is still in high school that you love her. If you don't have a girlfriend who is in high school, just know that our love is strong and you have no right to judge me. Alternately, get drunk and ignore calls from your boyfriend who goes to another school because you're sick of his whiny, weepy bullshit. Give out handjobs like they're going out of style. Which they are, but that's a topic for another time.

John Hughes is dead. We all know this and are very sad about it. Luckily there is this fun YouTube video out there. If you watch this and don't smile, you don't have a soul.

Also, Asylum is having a John Hughes memorial film series. "Weird Science" and "Pretty in Pink" are on tap. The show starts at 8:00.

Hello Cupcake! in Dupont Circle is also turning 1 year old today. They are celebrating by giving away FREE MOTHERFUCKING CUPCAKES. I'm not really into baked goods, but a free cupcake is a free cupcake. It says while supplies last, which I expect to not be very long since they are giving away FREE MOTHERFUCKING CUPCAKES.

Wednesday August 26

RFYFT: Get embarrassingly dressed up in order to attend a frat party. Ladies, this means hot little dresses and make-up. Just because there is a thick film of vomit, urine, and Natural Light on the floor doesn't mean you can't look good. Except it does because you won't. Sorry. But college is all about trying new things, like dressing up for events that don't require dressing up (i.e. frat parties, 8:00 classes). And drinking enough of that cool, clear, refreshing Natural Light to convince yourself that frayed baseball caps and striped shirts are what you like in a man. Gentlemen, you'll be wearing frayed baseball caps and striped shirts.

The International Spy Museum has community night this Wednesday! That's us, DC! The main exhibition is open to the DC community for free from 5:00-9:00. Full disclosure: I work at the Spy Museum. However, I am not gaining anything by writing about this. I'm not even going to be there on Wednesday! But you should be, because the museum is free and very, very cool! You can sign up for community night here.

Thursday August 27

RFYFT: Buy really crappy liquor. We're talking Popov or some hellish gin. Preferably you'll have inappropriate mixers (Gin and OJ, Gin and Coke, etc.) or just buy a bottle of peppermint schnapps. Get some acquaintances (these people are not your friends. You'll ditch them 2 months into school for your real friends and then you'll do the same thing with your real friends) and sit in a circle. Take shots. Then take to the streets! Wander aimlessly around Georgetown, Foggy Bottom, Tenleytown, Brookland, or Shaw looking for "cool parties". No freshmen has ever found the cool party, but god dammit they're out there trying. Alternately, if you're a girl, you can go hang out at the "cool frat. No, they're so different from the other ones. They're all really nice guys. So chill. Me and my roommate just go over there and hang out." Still make sure you pre-game with peppermint schnapps and self-deception!

OK. I haven't been to this place in a while, but I like it. The beer is a bit expensive, but I believe Miller Lite drafts are still $4.00. It's the Dubliner, attached to the Phoenix Hotel. Basically, it has awesome live Irish music. If you've ever been to Dublin (or Boston) you know the joys of drunkenly singing Irish songs about such varied topics as how awful women are, how awesome drinking is, and hating English people. It's solid fun. I recommend a pre-game session and then you're off! It's good craic!

Also, a shout out to GW readers who are returning to the friendly confines of Foggy Bottom. If you're worried about DC changing while you were gone, don't worry: everyone else in the city still really fucking hates you.

Cheers!

Robert Novak is Dead: The CIA Can Now Sleep Soundly

2009-08-20T16:01:00.006-04:00

American hero and eyebrow aficionado Robert Novak is no longer stalking the streets of DC in his black corvette, running over homeless people. That should make it a lot safer for The Chain to cross streets during our days and nights of revelry. In honor of Robert "Bobby" Novak's passing, here are The Decemberists playing their song "Valerie Plame" at a campaign event for Dear Leader B. Hussein Obama.

Onward to our weekend glory!

Friday August 21

I realize I've been a little lackluster lately (alliteration MUCH?) when it comes to happy hours. That ends TODAY. I'm going with Circle Bistro in glorious Foggy Bottom (The West End? Who knows?). They have 1/2 price martinis and, boy oh boy, do they have great martinis. My personal favorite is The Kaiser Wilhelm. Mostly for the name, but also for the gin. The menu is here. Pick your favorite and then go drink it! Happy hour is only from 5:00-7:00, so it's a slim window to get some delicious dranks.

Little Miss Whiskey's is a place I've been dying to explore because the name is just so damn cool. It's located in an unmarked town house on H Street NE, so pay special attention to that address. In case you're lazy or a very old person, I've linked to a google map showing the location so you don't have to fiddle around with the google. U.S. Royalty is DJing and here is a link to their MySpace so you can listen to them but probably not use the listening as way to determine if you will indeed patronize LMW's tonight.

Saturday August 22

The BYT pool party is of particular note this week because it was, uh oh, RACIST. In a bizarre display of hipster ignorance or irony run amok, they decreed that this week the party theme would be Indian Camp! A bunch of white people drinking and frolicking around a pool at a party themed after a race of people slaughtered by white people! What could be wrong with that? Anyway, it looks like the Capitol Skyline Hotel, a place that is aware of how people don't like racist things (Glen Beck, Don Imus, Wyoming, etc.) ordered BYT to change the name. Or maybe someone realized what a shit storm this could kick up. Whatever. Now the theme is

OMFG August is Hot. Come to the Pool! Camp

Succinct. Well reasoned. Not racist. Check, check, and check. As always, it's $10.00 at the door. The music lineup will be choice with Bluebrain, Will Eastman, and some of the Fatback DJs spinning all afternoon from 12:00-8:00.

If you've had your fill of angry Natives and pouty hipsters during the day, my suggestion for the evening is as follows:
The BLISS dance party is pretty phenomenal. Will Eastman is the most fun DJ in Washington. There. I said it. Anyway, Yes Giantess, Codebreaker, Dmerit and cool visuals will also be in attendance to make this a damn fine way to spend your Saturday night. I have to work in the morning so sadly I will miss this. Please, go for me. Enjoy it for me. Black Cat Main stage dance parties make the world go 'round.

As a special side note, I'd like to thank all of The E-mail Chain's readers. We've been growing nicely since our first post. I'd also like everyone to know that The Chain has received traffic from Wasilla, AK and Chapaqua, NY. This can mean only one thing: Sarah Palin and Bill Clinton are E-mail Chain readers. I'll assume Sarah found it because of my bible verse post and Bill probably just trolls nightlife blogs in DC so he can have fun when he sleeps on the Secretary of State's couch. Again, thanks to all the regulars and of course to former Governor Palin and former President Clinton.

Gog and Magog: A George W. Bush Styled Guide to Your Week

2009-08-17T08:51:00.008-04:00

Oh hot damn, this is my jam, keep me partying 'til the A.M, y'all don't understand, make me throw my hands in the ayer, ayer, ayer. Welcome back, fools! This week's post title derives from a hilarious conversation our former president George W. Bush (boy that feels good to type STILL) had with the French dauphin Jaques Chirac. Basically Bush thought Gog and Magog, two crazy ass Genesis monsters, were at work in the Middle East and that it was critical that the United States of Bibles go over there and kick some ass Old Testament style. Naturally, this little anecdote only makes me feel better about the fact that this man had the ability to launch our nuclear arsenal, possibly to hasten the end of times, because why the fuck not, right?

Also, I had conversation last night about some one's Republican friend who had been reading the bible recently and decided that it was OK for him to live with his girlfriend as long as they weren't having sex. I'll pause for laughter. Republicans are hilarious.

Thus, this week's post is brought to you by the bible and this awesome list of kick ass bible verses!

Monday August 17

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

Haha holy crap! I'm not even sure who's junk the wife is grabbing, but I guess the end result is the same. How often did this situation come up that whoever wrote the bible- excuse me, I mean God- felt the need to prescribe how to act if some one's wife starts grabbing balls in order to save her man?

Anyhow, hopefully nothing this rowdy happens at Duffy's tonight. The fun starts at 4:00 with all domestic cans costing a recession friendly $2.00. This deal goes until 11:30, at which point you should probably go home, because it's a Monday people! I'm open to starting and ending a Deuteronomy style fight out front by the bike racks tonight if anyone is interested. Let me know.

Tuesday August 18

II Kings 2:23-24

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you bald head!" they said. "Go on up, you bald head!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

Wow. A couple of things jump out at me. 1) Those kids suck at jeering. 2)Elisha is thin-skinned and a huge asshole 3) It's unclear if God set the bears upon the youths or if it was just one of those horrible coincidences that religious folk think are miracles. I prefer to read the last sentence as a non sequitur that has nothing to do with the jeering. It's so much funnier that way.

It was really hard to find suitable Tuesday options, so I'll throw two out there and if you disagree, just throw 'em on back. Although I may sick bears on you. The first one is the more stylish of the two. It's Every Other Tuesday with Keenan at Marvin. It's an 80s funk, hip-hop and new jack swing party. DJ Keenan's website/MySpace always redirects my shitty work computer to poisonous emoticon selling bullshit, so no linky-link for him.
The second option is up in Columbia Heights. The Wonderland Ballroom has something called the See You Next Tuesday Party. It's Tuesday at 10:00. That's all it says. Who knows what could happen? Dare I say, only God?

Wednesday August 19

Ezekiel 23:19-20

Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the single ladies! All the single ladies, put your hands up!

Wednesday also offers two options, although one is for a decidedly GW crowd. The GW Young Alumni Network is sponsoring a happy hour at the Big Hunt. You register here. GW buys you your first drink plus they provide food. I'm assuming this means chocolate fondue and strange, inedible burgers but maybe they're springing for Big Hunt food since we're all adult-like with our B.A.s? It runs from 7:00-9:00. I'll probably go for the food and stay for the striped shirts!

This Wednesday also brings us a Coney Island beer party at the Palace of Wonders, sponsored by Shmaltz brewery. There is very little information on this event other than it's location. I'll assume it starts later in the evening. Since this is DC beer week, I bet there are nifty deals on beer. Everybody likes that!

Thursday August 20

Exodus 2:11-12

One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

Moses was a BAMF. Although, the fact that Moses checked to make sure no one would see him murder the Egyptian seems to indicate he knew killing was wrong, or at the very least, frowned upon. This is before he gets the thou shalt not kill commandment and yet it seems like Mr. Moses knew that thou shouldn't kill before God officially told him. Sounds like there might be an innate human moral compass at work there or at least an aversion to killing. Religion: the moral foundation of civilization? Donkey cocks and horse cum, I say!

I once declared Eighteenth Street Lounge to be a place full of "douche bags and overpriced drinks." Now, this might be true, but this Thursday DJ Gavin Holland is spinning a happy hour from 7:00 to 10:00. $4.00 wine, rails, and most beer has been promised. His music sounds cool so I think this is worth a look.

You're welcome to take the party across the street to Lucky Bar for their $3.00 Bud, Bud Light, and rails afterwards or stick around ESL for Thursday club action featuring funk and DJ Sean Haney.

I'll be checking back in on Thursday for your weekend plans.

Your Younger Sister is Hot, Flat, and Crowded

2009-08-13T15:04:00.008-04:00

The title of this week's post is taken from GWU's Guide to Personal Success (GPS) program that I and E-Mail Chain Street Team member Noah S. are taking part in. We've been given a copy of Thomas L. Friedman's Hot, Flat, and Crowded that we will read and then discuss it with five freshmen entrusted to each of us so we can mentor them over the course their freshmen year. Sounds awesome. Why did I share that? I felt like the title needed some context I suppose. Not really? Well then, on to the weekend!

Thursday August 13

Oh no! An emergency Thursday post! Two things have been brought to my attention that are worth while endeavors for Chain readers.

The first is happening in Bloomingdale, ground zero for E-mail Chain soirees. Big Bear Cafe is hosting a concert tonight. It's BYOB and starts at 7:00 and goes until 9:00. Call me crazy, but I can totally envision an after party somewhere in the neighborhood, so I'd highly recommend this event. Big Bear has the distinction of being the coolest place in DC, so that's good. Also, the Chain enthusiastically endorses BYOB events. This is why we love outdoor movies but hate going to church!

The second event is a Zip Car event at Buffalo Billiards. If you're a Zip Car member, you get free food and drinks! Hooray! if you're not a Zip Car member, go to this thing, sign up, and you get free food and drinks! Hooray! Zip Car is awesome and convenient and if you're not a member and you sign up, find a friend who is and you'll both get referral credit! This starts at 6:00 and runs until 9:00.

Friday August 14

You all know the happy hours we endorse at the Chain. Go to them. Drink. Be merry.

However, once you're done with that, get your sweet little asses over to the Rock and Roll Hotel for their third anniversary extravaganza! GWU's own Jukebox the Ghost headlines a show with supporting acts Title Tracks, Bellman Barker, Tereu Tereu, and a DJ set by Casper Bangs. you can order tickets online for $14.98 or they're $14.00 at the door. I got mine already just in case it sells out, but I don't know if it will or not. Here's a music video by Jukebox the Ghost to get you amped.

Then, after the awesome concert, head upstairs (if you're of legal drinking age, that is. The kiddies got to evacuate the dance floor.) for the Flat Out! Dance party with resident DJs Michah Vellian and Output Message for hip-hop, indie, electro, pop, and club. What Friday night this shall be.

Saturday August 15

The BYT pool party theme this week is Kazoo Camp. I'm as confused as you are on this one but who knows, it could be really awesome. At the very least expect attractive people and fun inflatables. Can't really go wrong with those two things, can you? It starts at 12:00 and cost $10.00. It is located at the Capitol Skyline Hotel near the Navy Yard. If anyone goes to this, take a picture.
As for Saturday Night, I really want to go to Fatback. What is Fatback you might want to know? Well, according to their website:

Fatback is a funk and soul dance party that takes place the third Saturday of each month at Liv (Bohemian Caverns, 11th & U St NW) in Washington, DC. People come to get down, so be prepared to work up a sweat. No cover, no dress code, just a chance to do it right.

Now that sounds like a whole lot of fun to me. The party starts at 10:00 and goes until whenever the hell it goes to. Come prepared to dance, party people. Come. Prepared. To. Dance.

Sunday August 16
This Sunday at 9:00 Mad Men returns for its third season on AMC. Oh my God I am pumped for this!

Better Late than Never: Triple Shot for Your Week

2009-08-11T09:04:00.005-04:00

I was in Massachusetts this past weekend, so I missed out on Monday's post. I know, it was lazy of me, but kiss my ass, OK? I ate delicious steamers and lobster in scenic Leominster, MA instead of telling you to go to Screen on the Green or whatever else it is we do here to fill the emptiness inside of us. Sadly, I did not attend a health care town hall meeting to scream about Barack Obama's birth certificate and how socialized medicine will ruin great capitalist health care programs like medicare. He was born in Kenya, people. Wake up. Wake up, America! Anyway, even though I didn't go yell at Nikki Tsongas, many patriotic Americans did. God bless America.

Tuesday August 11

Guess what? Sticky Rice has karaoke tonight at 10:00. It's free to enter and they have pretty cheap PBRs. It is also $2.00 Tecate Tuesday AND if it rains the PBRs become $1.00! I feel as though Washington needs a pick me up and my song of choice this week undoubtedly has to be Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant." It's not even a particularly happy song, so that last sentence is kind of a non sequitur. Whatever:

I realize this is short notice for all of you, but seriously consider this. There is a free shuttle to H Street NE that leaves from Gallery Place. Information found here.

I was looking for other events today and came across the website for the House of Sweden. They have apartments. Thus, my question is: If you live in the House of Sweden, do you actually live in Sweden or the District of Columbia? I only ask because it is notoriously cold and socialist in Sweden.

Wednesday August 12

I'm pretty pumped for this next selection. Saint Ex is hosting iPod Jukebox. You bring your iPod, sign up for a twelve minute time slot and rock the party. I have such a hard on for pretending to be a DJ, so I'm very excited for this. You can also go early for the jazz happy hour from 7:00 to 10:00. 1/2 price bottles of wine. My set list should look something like this:

Ludacris feat. Lil' Wayne "Last of a Dying Breed" 4:09
Phoenix "Lisztomania" 4:01
Familjen "Det Snurrar I Min Skalle" 4:14

This will be so fun. Post your sets list here. We'll critique them. None are better than mine though. Ever.

Thursday August 13

I have three options for Thursday, each one intriguing in its own right. The first is the S oul Candy party at Local 16. There are drink specials and free candy. Drink specials at Local 16 might not be that special, but, hey, free candy? Yes, please. DJ Nitekrawler will be your guide as you dance to funk, soul, disco, and boogie. 10:00 until close. No cover.

The other two options aren't, admittedly, as cool as that one. However, I am going to give Lucky Bar's $3.00 Budweiser, Bud Light, and cocktail all night long happy hour a shout out because the English Premiership starts up this weekend! Martin O'Neil's claret and blue army take on Wigan Athletic and in order to prepare myself mentally for another season with Aston Villa Football Club, I must drink.

Finally, the 80s Dance Party at Heaven & Hell. Nobody went to this last week, presumably because I didn't tell the DMV how much fun it will be. Well you're welcome, Heaven & Hell. The party starts at some point in the night and goes until, we'll say, 2:00. It's Adams Morgan so, I mean, whatever, right? They play awesome 80s commercials while you dance.

That. Is. Horrifying.

See you all on Friday.

Live from 30,000 Feet: Your Weekend

2009-08-07T08:56:00.007-04:00

Hello everyone. How was your week? Mine was great. Oh, where am I you ask?

ON A PLANE. I AM ON A PLANE. ON THE INTERNET. ON A PLANE.

Amazing, I know. This week was pretty awesome as well. Cobalt was great and by great I mean we took advantage of delicious hummus and drink specials. The Heaven and Hell 80s dance party was hilariously not attended by anyone BUT they did offer Ronald Reagan and John Hinkley shots. Joe and I opted for the John Hinkley because we're patriots. Without further ado, your weekend. Keep your seat-belts fastened folks.

Friday August 7

I know this is supposed to be a blog about Washington, DC nightlife but I found the coolest place on earth. The Rum Island Bar in concourse D of BWI. Norma L. was my server and Norma makes her bloody mary spicy. Observe.

Anyway, they're open until 10:00 and for only a $1.00 more you can make your drink of choice a double shot. Also, at 7:32, a woman walked up to the bar and asked for a Long Island iced tea and plastic cup full of ice. She assured Norma she wasn't trying to get a road soda but Norma wasn't buying it. Defeated, the woman proceeded to drink her Long Island iced tea in literally 30 seconds and trudge off to her flight. BWI is the most intimidating drinking environment in the DMV.

What to do to die today at a minute or two 'til two. A thing distinctly hard to say yet harder still to do. If you're looking for love in all the wrong places, might I suggest Disco City at the Rock and Roll hotel. Disco is definitely one of the greatest dance music genres ever and Rock and Roll Hotel has no cover. It starts at 9:30 but only fools arrive so early. Midnight is the appropriate time to storm the Bastille of PBR and dancing that is the Rock and Roll Hotel. I literally just forgot the HILARIOUS thing I was going to type but let it be known that some whore brought her dog on the plane and it's barking and being a total asshole to everyone on the flight. Anyway, here's a video tutorial of how to dance to disco musik.

Just so there is no confusion, the Rum Island Bar is my legitimate happy hour recommendation this week.

Saturday August 8

The Brightest Young Things are back this Saturday with their summer camp pool party series and this week it's Karaoke Camp! Given the Chain's penchant for absolutely destroying karaoke, I expect a great turnout. It's $10.00 to get in and I'm going to kill this dog with a rolled up Sky Mall.

This sounds cool. The Hamiltonian has a gallery opening this Saturday at 7:00pm entitled "Almost Surely, Almost Everywhere". It looks cool and you should check it out. Again, with the culture, people.

On Saturday night, stay in and drink 40s. Or you could check out the Feedback dance party at DC9. Tittsworth is DJing as a special guest and he has, according to the Going Out Gurus, spun in front of 40,000 people at an Australian music festival AND remixed Kanye West "joints". This sounds pretty cool. Check it out. And I am, of course, referring to the two people who read my blog who will actually be in town this weekend. Sorry about opening your door last night, David.

I'm approaching Boston now, so goodbye to you all. Until we meet again.

Shark Week Edition

2009-08-02T21:55:00.003-04:00

Welcome back for another installment of The E-mail Chain. As I write this, the bills in my house are being sorted out and I'm watching a Shark Week show about the infamous summer of 1916, when New Jersey was terrorized by sharks!

A brief review of the weekend would undoubtedly have to include positive reviews of karaoke at Millie & Al's, where the Chain brought down the house with renditions of "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)", "867-7309/Jenny", "Mr. Jones", and "A Whole New World". Saturday brought us 1st on First, where we discovered an art gallery, 87 Florida, in our neighborhood. Also we got free beer from Windows Market for completing a Bloomingdale themed scavenger hunt. Finally, The Affair at Rock and Roll was as awesome as expected. We aim to please with our recommendations. We're playing for keeps.

Monday August 3

Screen on the Green is back with On the Waterfront. I've never seen it so I'm interested immediately but it also won best picture. The trailer also promises "...exalted frenzy!" so, yeah, I'm fucking there. The show starts at 8:30 or 9:00ish, depending on when sundown is. This website says 8:46 is the end of civil twilight, whatever the hell that means.

That's all I've got for Monday. There are whispers of an Al Franken victory party at the Willard Hotel, but expect that to be expensive. Possibly free to get into but probably not open bar. Unless the Franken people are awesome as hell. It starts at 6:00 or 6:30. I basically know nothing about this event. But if you were feeling frisky, maybe you could go and report back. Take pictures of the newest Senator/former SNL cast member/Ann Coulter hate-fucker if you can!

Tuesday August 4

Busboys & Poets gets some more attention this week. Tuesday night at 9:00 there is an open mic night at the 14th & V location. Wristbands are $4.00 and are sold beginning at 10:00 on Tuesday in the bookstore and are sold until they sell out. Poets, musicians, and the like all take to the stage to perform in what sounds like a very pleasant way to spend a Tuesday night. Here's a video about poetry from Busboys. Culture yourself up people.

***[Update]*** FoBoBlo has the details on National Night Out in Foggy Bottom. Free burgers and dogs served up by MPD and GW's UPD.

Wednesday August 5

I've got two spots to hit up at two ends of the drink booze in DC spectrum. The first is the soul jazz happy hour at Gate 54, Saint Ex's downstairs area. DJ Birdman spins jazz and there are specials on bottles of wine. Very classy. Ladies should probably wear hats. It runs from 7:00-10:00. Birdman does the jazz happy hour on Fridays at Marvin, so I'm going to assume this means he is legit.

If you finish your jazz happy hour and think to yourself, "Gee. I'm certainly not drunk and I'd like to drink much more. But with interns who think its cool to head straight to the bars after work and who look like fools in their ill fitting work clothes." Well, I think I have your solution. Union Pub has "Wacky Wednesday" (Yes. They actually call it that.) with $2.00 Bud and Bud Light bottles, $8.00 buckets of 5, and $5.50 specialty cocktails. The cocktail price is horse hockey, but the by 4 get 1 free buckets sound fun. Beer in buckets! Hooray! The madness starts at 4:00 and goes until close.

Thursday August 6

This is the coolest event happening this week and is mandatory if you're reading the words on your computer screen. Street team member David had the hook up with this party at Cobalt. It's a birthday bash being thrown to benefit DC AIDS Walk and Food for All. $5.00-$10.00 donations at the door gets you DJs, drink specials, and a good time. The party starts at 6:00 and runs until 9:00. Or at least I imagine the drink specials run until 9:00. Doubtful the guests will just leave. Facebook event found here. Do this or you're a weirdo.

Another Saturday Night and I Ain't Got Nobody

2009-07-30T13:37:00.005-04:00

Welcome back for another installment of the weekend in the District of Columbia. Before we dive in, there are two important things I'd like to address. The first is the Lou Reed exhibition at the Adamson Gallery. It's cool. It's free. Definitely check it out. His shots of Big Sur (Scotland?) are pretty damn cool. Also the ones of Copenhagen (Edinburgh?). He was great in The Velvet Underground (Belle & Sebastian?) and he isn't too bad as a photographer. So go do it.

The second is it's Joe Rado's birthday tomorrow! Also my rent is due! Get ready for a fun filled weekend celebrating Joe! Here's a fun video to get us started!

Friday July 31

You know, it's hard to find a good happy hour. I mean, there's your average $3.00 beers or whatever, but it's tough find that truly special dirt cheap option. So fuck it, let's visit a time and place when eating out was venturing up to 19th Street and hoping dinner was done early enough that you could swing by 18th and I. That's right folks, I'm recommending Singapore Bistro's sushi happy hour. Ngiri pieces from $0.99 and beer and sake is $2.50. Sushi and alcohol are so much better when they're cheap. It runs from 4:00-7:30. Raw fish. Raw fun.

It's Joe's birthday on this day and I will probably end up doing whatever it is he wants to do. I also have to work in the morning, so there's no guarantee I do any of this. But then again, who cares? Literally no one. So, if I were to venture out onto the streets of DC, what would I gravitate towards? I have to admit that The New Gay's Transformer dance party at the Black Cat sounds pretty dope. It is billed as "vintage rock, pop, glam, and disco for the discerning queer." Now, if it's anything like Homo/sonic, this is not an exclusively gay crowd. In fact, the Facebook event page informs you that it is "co-ed, trans-inclusive, and straight friendly." Artists like ELO, Lou Reed, Talking Heads, and Joan Jett are promised. I can't imagine a glam rock event without some Bowie, so for your pleasure, here is a David Bowie song. Go to this event. I think it sounds cool. Joe Lieberman, Lindsey Graham, and John McCain are going. Because it's inclusive. Doors open at 9:30 and the cover is $5.00.

Saturday August 1

Holy hell it's August already! And there is so much to do, on this, the first day of August. Two people have already insisted I include the First on 1st art walk that is happening in Bloomingdale. Basically, a bunch of local artists are setting up shop on first street and showcasing their stuff. Programs can be found at Big Bear Cafe or Windows Market. It goes from 1st & Florida to 1st & Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. There may be a game to complete for a free beverage at Windows and apparently there might be sno-cones. Considering the the madness that was the fourth of July in B'dale, I think this has promise. It goes from 12:00-4:00 and I know for a fact that 3 readers of this blog and the author himself have no good excuse to miss this, so suck it up and go.

Also happening this weekend is the Washington Improv Theater's Improvapalooza, featuring comedy trio and GW graduates Mike Duffy. They're performing at 2:00 on Saturday. $10.00 gets you into every show going on that day, so it's pretty good if you want to pop in and out of the Source Theater for improv. If you're going to be on or around U Street at all on Saturday, like, say, on your way to or from First on 1st, it would be cool to be able to just see improv anytime you wanted to on Saturday. I know you've all seen this, but here is their video "I Love Delis":

Saturday night requires you to be at Mass Appeal at the Rock and Roll Hotel. This dance party is great. "Hip-hop party jams, indie anthems, dance-punk, guilty pleasures, electronic beats and hard-hitting funk" are all part of the package. I'm particularly enthused about the hip-hop party jams:

and the guilty pleasures:

As always there is no cover at the Hotel, so this place rules. The crowd is pretty attractive and also very into dancing. What more could you ask for? What's that? A secret party? Shhhhhhh.

Stay clean, dear readers!

***Editor's Note: Martha survived Peruvian Independence Day without a scratch or rooftop sojourn.***

Shoot for the Moon: Even if You Miss You'll Land Amongst the Stars

2009-07-27T08:33:00.008-04:00

Welcome back, dear readers. A few things to report on following this past weekend. First of all, if you've never been, get your ass down to the Seafood Market in SW. Joe and I ate chowder, oysters, and crabs until we were blue in the face and loved every minute of it. The oysters were a special treat, as they were shucked right in front of us by a man I suspect may have been an original settler of the Chesapeake Bay region.

Friday night at The Affair was decent by all standard measurements. A larger running crew would have been nice but the DJs were fantastic. They stuck to the music promised (disco and classic house) but weren't afraid to deviate to get the crowd back into dancing.

Saturday night was a fail for most of us, as the rain killed many a nighttime warrior's ambition. However, Martha braved rain, thunder, lightning, and Presbyterians to travel to Van Ness to see Bluebrain at Comet Ping Pong. She reported a solid show and would recommend seeing them at a future venue.

Finally, the night of the weekend appears to be belong to E-mail Chain street team member David, who hit up Halo with some co-workers only to discover that the Real World was there! Free Belvedere was the rule of the night and as of press time, David is believed dead. R.I.P. my friend.

Monday July 27

I've got two options today for your Monday night pleasure. The first of which is, of course, Screen on the Green. This week's movie is Dog Day Afternoon, starring Al Pacino. This is an incredible movie. If you haven't seen it, you must go see this.

It's so cool. It's a true story. Please do yourself a favor and see this movie.

The second option can happen before, during, or after SotG. Well maybe not after. Duffy's Irish Pub & Restaurant has a happy hour from 4:00-11:30 where all domestic cans, including PBR tall boys, are $2.00. This place is north of U Street on Vermont Avenue across from the 9:30 club. It's nothing special, but that's sort of why it's special.

Tuesday July 28

I've decided to give some love to Busboys & Poets this week and on Tuesday their two DC locations have two cool things going on. One is slightly more interesting than the other but one has a "happy hour" so take your pick.

The 14th & V location has Progressivism on Tap at 6:00 with Jared Bernstein, Chief Economist and Economic Policy Advisor to the Vice President (exceptional fast food and exceptional dance moves). This falls during Busboys' happy hour which features $4.00 draft beers. This is why happy hour was in quotation marks.

The 5th & K location has something at 6:00 discussing what the recent coup in Honduras means for Latin America. There is inexplicably not a happy hour at this Busboys but whatever, this sounds very interesting. Drink coffee for once you degenerates.

Wednesday July 29

I can't imagine not going to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou at Asylum this Wednesday. There is no cover and this movie is downright hilarious. Some memoranble quotes:

"Anne-Marie, do all the interns get Glocks?"

"Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins."

"I'm so pissed I want to spit!"

It starts at 8:00. Here's the link for the drinking game. Ahoy!

I also just realized I forgot to make a sandwich for lunch today. Fuck. Today being Monday, not Wednesday.

Thursday July 30

Guess what? Karaoke! That's what!

Millie & Al's, in Adams Morgan, has karaoke on Thursday night. This is critical because it's a prime grazing area for one of DC's rarest night time creatures: Chuck.

Chuck is this guy that Andrew and I have seen roaming 18th street looking for karaoke. We've seen him at Millie & Al's and at Brass Monkey. He generally opens with "Sweet Caroline" and closes with some Sinatra. After finishing "Sweet Caroline" once, he told the audience "You all suck!" This man is a legend. This Thursday, we're going to Adams Morgan and we're going to find this man and watch him do his thing. I'll say the party starts at 10:00 so that means meet at Millie & Al's at 10:00. Also, post in the comment section which song you'll be singing. I've got dibs on:

That's your week. That's it. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

If You Prick Us, Do We Not Blog?

2009-07-24T11:14:00.003-04:00

A Big, "Hey thanks for coming you guys! No, really! Great to see you there!" to all the faithful readers who braved the intermittent storms of the District to come to Froggy Bottom Pub for the E-mail Chain's launch party. A special thanks to Andrew for inventing our secret signal and to Joe, Steph, Alex, Amanda, and Jewelz for attending the after party at McFadden's.

I think last night whetted all our appetites for destruction, so let's look on to the glorious weekend ahead!

Friday July 24

I'll do a brief rundown of previously advertised Friday happy hour options:

-My Brother's Place has an absurd progressive-price-increase happy hour. Beer starts at $0.75 and rises a quarter every hour. Holy crap.

-Gin & Tonic has a less silly version of this where beer is $1.00 and rail drinks are $2.00. Martha gave this a thumbs up last week, so do it to it.

-Jazz in the Garden, as always, is fun. BYOB to the National Gallery Sculpture Garden across from the National Archives. I'm not even going to bother posting the artist. Sadly, you can't really hear the jazz. On the upside, you can drink. Andrew describes the experience as "European but in a good way." I agree.

It's really hard to find a better happy hour than numbers 1 and 3 on our "go-to" list, but this place sounds interesting since the WaPo Going Out Gurus dubbed it "the most eclectic bar-restaurant on U St." Not eclectic like Moorenko's but more eclectic like Bjork or metal sporks. Polly's offers $2.00 Budweiser drafts, Miller Lite bottles, PBR cans, and rail drinks. I respect how they cover all vessels for beer and liquor. It's cash only and the fun runs from a more normal 4:00-7:00.

What to do on a Friday night if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

This is a video in support of The Affair, a disco and classic house party at the Rock and Roll Hotel. No cover, no dress code. These two things always get me jumping for a night at Rock and Roll.

However, I'm leaning towards Taking the Piss at Marx Cafe in Mt. Pleasant. No cover here. After 500 Days of Summer, it seems like this could be just what our social lives need. More British influenced indie rock. Plus, this will score me 6 points on Foursquare. If you have an iPhone and don't use foursquare, you're iPhone is not self-actualized.

The Liberation Dance Party at DC9 also calls my name this week. $6.00 as always and open bar from 9:00-10:30. I've been away for so long. Stopping at Solly's beforehand might be fun. Who knows? Fight it out in the comments section or we'll probably have to call around because of my epic fail at posting this yesterday. I fell asleep playing the Sims at work. Sue me.

Saturday July 25

This sounds cool. Lou Reed, of Velvet underground fame and the awesome song "Perfect Day" is apparently also a photographer and has an exhibition opening up at the Adamson Gallery in Logan. It opens at 6:30. I am going to this after I get off work. All those who are with me, come along!

As for Saturday night, I would recommend Will Eastman and the Blisspop dance party at the Black Cat. $7.00 at the door and it's 18 to chill, 21 to spill, so all youngins' can come along for the fun.

As for me, I have work in the AM so I might check out early Saturday night. Comet Ping Pong is hosting Bluebrain with no cover charge starting at 8:00. Apparently their shows are insanely fun, so I may go up to Van Ness (Holla at me Upper North Weezy!) and see this shit. They are Martha's favorite band.

And that's your weekend, folks. I'm also going to welcome Alex and Amanda as official readers of the blog now since I'm going to start spamming their e-mail with this masturbatory online pamphlet. Bienvenue!

It's Going Down

2009-07-22T23:15:00.000-04:00

Some, Some, Some I, Some I Murder: Some I, Some I Let Go

2009-07-20T09:39:00.009-04:00

Kind of a crap weekend, eh? Noah and I did see 500 Days of Summer and it was pretty enjoyable. It was a movie that managed to make LA look tolerable, downright pleasant actually. So I'd recommend it for that. It's also pretty funny. Here's the trailer:

In other news, Solly's on U Street is a solid bar. Two floors and an outdoor area. $3.00 PBR cans and $4.00 High Life tall boys. It's good times.

And now without further ado your week in Washington, D.C. - a capital city!

Monday July 20

Screen on the Green is back! Holy crap! It's tonight! I totally thought it was on Tuesdays but it's not. It's on Mondays. The weather is looking OK. 30% chance of showers. It's not a slam dunk but if there's any chance this is happening I'm definitely venturing out. I crave the HBO dance. What is the HBO dance you may wonder?

That is the HBO dance. You dance like that while the old school HBO intro plays before the film.

It's the greatest thing in the world. Period. Fuck penicillin. The movie starts at sundown and people claim their spots early. I'm off work at 7:00, so I may head down there right after work depending on the weather. The movie is Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Tuesday July 21

Happy Belgian Independence Day! One day in 1830, a bunch of people in Brussels saw an opera and lost their shit. No we have Belgium. Thankfully, we only have to know enough about this bizarre nation to know that this gives us an artificial reason to drink in a festive manner. Where would one do this? Belga Cafe on Barracks Row has all of its beers half off all day. Then at 10:30 there is a party where it sounds like everyone gets a free beer. There is a DJ. There is Belgian beer. Hooray Belgium!

Wednesday July 22

This Wednesday actually has lots of cool sounding things. By lots, I mean three. I'll list them in order from driest to wettest.

Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA) is going to be at the Sixth & I Historic Synagogue. He'll be talking about climate change I imagine and also how Republicans have their heads up their asses when it comes to anything relevant to people anywhere. $6.00 to be part of the choir and the party starts at 7:00.

Asylum in Adams Morgan apparently has a Wes Anderson movie night every Wednesday. This week they'll be showing the The Royal Tenenbaums. I've always been mixed about this movie, but I'm almost positive I like it as of right now, so I'd probably go to this. It's free to enter so you only have to worry about the beer.

Finally, Capitol Skyline is hosting a dive in movie. It's The Big Lebowski. It's $10.00 to get in if you buy your tickets in advance and $12.00 on the day of. However, your ticket price includes one free White Russian, so that's funny. Would I Enjoy a pool and a Caucasian? Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Thursday July 23

On this day I will be 22 and 7/12 years old. Therefore it's time to celebrate with The E-mail Chain's inaugural bash. See poster below.

That's right folks. Froggy Bottom Pub is going to be the spot for our first ever The E-mail Chain get together! Bring your friends. It's going to be off the hook! Holy Crap this has a Facebook Event! This could out of control!

That's your week in DC. I'd save up for Thursday if I were you.

July, July: It Never Seemed so Strange

2009-07-16T15:12:00.003-04:00

Engine, Engine number 9, on the New York transit line
If my train jumps off the track...

OK fine. So it's still too soon for that part of Fatman Scoop's "Be Faithful" to be played in the District, but it's definitely not too soon for it to be Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Those days happily known throughout the western world as the Weekend!

I'll only address two unrealistic things in The Weekenders intro: Lor's eyes are disturbingly far apart and Carver sucks at dancing. With that having been said, onward Christian soldiers!

Friday July 17

The weather may stop being kind to us as we approach the horrible month of August. Jazz in the Garden may be in peril as a go to option this Friday. If you're willing to risk it, the same old thing goes from 5:00-8:30. Some saxophonist is playing but who cares? No one goes for the Jazz. Jazz is for hookers and pedophiles.

Indoor happy hour option this week goes to Gin & Tonic in Glover Park. Starting at 5:00 beers are $1.00 and rail drinks are $2.00, rising every hour until I believe 10:00. Now you may say, "but Pat-that's way the hell up Wisconsin in Glover Park. How do I get there?" I would of course respond with bike there or take a god damn 31 Bus from Foggy Bottom. Or would you rather I call the WAHmbulance?

Friday night has pretty slim pickings. I promise I'm not just saying that because I have to work both mornings this weekend. If I had to go somewhere, I'd venture up to Columbia Heights and the Wonderland Ballroom. DJ Meistro is spinning this Friday. He's done BYT pool parties and his "Yes We Can" mix is pretty hip.

There is also the Liberation Dance Party at DC9 with it's customary open bar from 9:00 (or whenever they open up) until 10:30. $6.00 at the door no matter when you show up.

Saturday July 18

I truly cannot stress enough how much fun the BYT pool party was last Saturday. It was definitely worth the $10.00 cover. Attractive people and good drinks. It's definitely an expensive afternoon, especially if you booze. Might I recommend a personal pre-game and heading over a little later on in the day? The theme this week is Halloween in July, so go nuts in the butt if you plan on attending.

Saturday night looks much more promising than, say, Friday night. At Liv, the Fatback DJs are throwing down with what promises to be an orgasmic explosion of dance and fluids. Yum. Seriously, this sounds cool. It's free. There is no dress code. There is just dance. Are we human or are we dancer? You decide.

However, at DC Star Night Club Clipse is on the sneaker pimps tour along with local acts Wale and Phil Ade. $18.15 advance tickets available here. I do love "Chillin" so I'm definitely thinking about going to this. Doors open at 8:00 and the show starts at 8:30.

Also, Paula leaves us for what I believe is the rest of the summer? Maybe just until August-ish? She is going on some hot lesbian road trip. Pillow fights, Ani Defranco, and the like. We wish her well. If you want to say goodbye in style, come to Drunken Jenga at the Rock and Roll Hotel tonight. She'll be there DRINKING ALL THE BEERS!

Je suis une fille: Bastille Week Edition

2009-07-14T11:42:00.008-04:00

First off, brush up on your French. "Yes, that's French they're speaking and no these children aren't French-they're American."

OK I apologize for not posting yesterday. David's friend Annie visited the house so naturally, on a Sunday night, we played beer pong. For some reason we thought this would not adversely affect our Monday morning. We were wrong.

Needless to say, it was a rough day for all of the residents of 58 Seaton Place. However, there are days left in the week yet. Here's a smattering of what's on tap, with special emphasis on the Capital Fringe Festival.

Tuesday July 14

This is a big day. Bastille Day, BarackStars, and Harry Potter.

Bastille Day has lots to offer. Lots of it costs money. That's why I'd head to iCi. There is a free wine tasting avec Canapes from 7:00-9:00pm. You may need reservations. I'm not positive though, that might just be for the prix fixe meal. L'Enfant Cafe also has a party that starts at 5:00pm hosted by Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. It features $4.00 Stella, rail drinks, and $5.00 red and white wines. In addition, it's Tuesday, so all Belgian beer is 1/2 off. There is a French maid race at 8:00pm. Sounds like a hoot.

Where I'll be is at BarackStars. Chicago's Second City comedy theater, where Tina Fey got her start, is putting on a show at the Woolly Mammoth Theater. Tonight is a pay-what-you-can night. The show is at 8:00 and tickets go on sale at 6:30. People will start lining up as early as 5:00. If you have a friend that gets out of work early, contact them and make them buy your ticket. 2 tickets per person and cash or check only. The show will run from July 14 to August 2, so if you don't make it tonight, there's still plenty of time.

Finally, IT'S HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE tonight at midnight!!!! Watch the trailer here! If you don't have tickets, showtimes are still available at most theaters, even the Uptown.

Wednesday July 15

Tuesday is such a stellar day that it's hard to top it. Capital Fringe is going on and if I didn't have to attend a dumb staff meeting at El Museo de Spy, I'd be going to one of these I think. The Honest-to-God True Story of the Atheist is playing at 7:45 at Fort Fringe for $15.00. Since I get off work around 8:00, I may try to head to Slow News Day. Improv comedy done as a news report. Sounds fun. 9:45 and it'll cost you $15.00 at the the Apothecary at the Trading post. Venue information is here.

Thursday July 16

This one's for Paula. Drunken Jenga at Rock and Roll Hotel. $2.00 PBR if you play. Why the hell not, right?

That's your abbreviated week. If you guys want me to keep e-mailing you when I update, tell me so. If you'd prefer I not, just subscribe to the blog and get it on your google readers, yo.

Jazz, Rock and Roll, and Jesus: A Very American Weekend

2009-07-11T22:49:00.007-04:00

Another weekend has come and gone. Not as many lessons learned, except that missed connections on Craig's List actually work, so if you want to get in touch with that special someone you made flirty eye contact with on the Metro or the guy you got down with on a Bloomingdale rooftop, you know where to go.

Jazz in the garden: we're here, we're white, we're drunk before eight at night!

PBR passing chains are clutch at the Rock and Roll Hotel.

The dude in the pink shirt is disturbed by the amount of getting down happening in front of him.

There was a Borat swimsuit at the BYT Jesus Camp pool party.

See below for reasons for this. Also, note the butterface passing behind me.

It's great because the guy next to Joe is actually drinking a Corona. Martha's friend called this shot "poetic." Good work, Mr. Smith. The butterface continues to lurk in the background.

This guy found out Noah was photographing him.

Noah got the straight beat out of him.

Back tomorrow with your weekday plans. Tuesday is going to be StUpId.

Shout Up From Hell to the Heavens

2009-07-09T13:41:00.006-04:00

OK so I actually failed to do 3/4 of what I posted for stuff to do during the week. Thus, next week I am actually going to go to everything I post. Did anyone do any of it? Paula made a valiant effort to try and get me to go to the Arlington Cinema & Draft House but I flaked out to make Pat's Prairie Pies for a down home 58 Seaton dinner.

This weekend looks promising but only if it doesn't rain on Saturday. Given the fact that a bunch hipsters and homosexuals are throwing a pool party that mocks the almighty, I don't like our chances.

Friday July 10

A happy hour on a Friday is the happiest happy hour of them all. I'm going to throw out two of the usual suspects and one weird one. The National Gallery's Jazz in the Garden is so much fun it's illegal. Literally. You're not allowed to bring in outside booze. Everyone does it anyway though and it's really, really cool. It's free and goes from 5:00-8:30pm. Grab some TJ's wine or a sixer of your favorite cerveza and roll out. The crowd is noticeably attractive, young, and white. Do what you will with that information.

The other more hilarious option (and one I'm determined to try if I ever get a Friday evening off from the Spy Museum) is the beat the clock happy hour at My Brother's Place. Domestic drafts start at $0.75 and go up a quarter every hour until 9:00. Word on the street is that lots of Catholic students hang out here, so if you ever want to see the Sasquatch of DC nightlife, head over to My Brother's place for sexually frustrated Catholic school boys and girls.

This sounds hit or miss but I thought I'd throw it out there. At The Muse Lounge, there is a free BBQ happy hour with electronic artists doing whatever it is they do. Since I'm off work at 7:00 and work right at Gallery Place, I'm probably going to go over there and see what it's all about. I'm at least going to get free BBQ. Any and all are welcome to come, mostly because I have no way to control who goes into nightclubs I don't own. Call or sext me!

As for late night options, I'm intrigued by two things. One is sort of a go-to, "this is always a good time" type deal at the Rock and Roll Hotel. The other is definitely more adventurous and has a great escape plan since it's located at the apex of Adams Morgan and U Street. Have I whetted your appetite? Then let's begin!

Rock and Roll Hotel has Flat Out!, a dance party offering up a potpourri of musical stylings. As always it's free to get in. The DJs are Micah Vellian and Outputmessage. It's no secret that I love the Rock and Roll Hotel, so I'd definitely be down for this. A pre-Hotel rendezvous at 58 Seaton and then a short little bus ride to H Street NE would probably be a good way to attack this particular plan.

The other option is a little spicier. Spicy like Noah-making-lots-of-poop-jokes-about-the-spiciness spicy. It's a release party for a new Phil Ade CD at Commonwealth. Much fun was had by Joe, David, Steph, and I at their Greater Good Mondays at the Donovan House. Judging by that event, this will be classier and pricier than Rock and Roll but don't let that deter you. It's a clothing store that caters to a younger and hipper set, so PBR is definitely not out of the question. Besides, we can always jaunt out and up 18th Street and hook up with some interns. Wonkabout just did a good piece on the ups and downs of A-Mo, so I'll direct you there.

Saturday July 11

[UPDATE]: It is free slurpee day at 7Eleven because it's 7/11. Plan accordingly.

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Praise Jesus, it's the Brightest Young Things pool party at the Capitol Skyline Hotel and the theme is Jesus Camp!

Our hotel pool, which art in southwest
Capitol Skyline be thy name
The hipsters come
Shea van Horn spins, at this party as he does at Town
Give us this day, full of sunshine and pool toys
And forgive us our pasty bodies,
As we forgive those who will judge us
And lead us not into sobriety,
There is a $10.00 cover. Amen

Later on in the evening, the Fatback DJs are at Comet Ping Pong. This place is way the tits up Connecticut Avenue. Tenleytown-AU would be the stop of choice. I wish my bike hadn't been stolen (I'll get you, you mother fucker!) because then I would go here and bike back. However, this is in Julie and Andrew's 'hood (I think? You guys live in Van Ness, yes?) and the Fatback DJs are supposed to be decent.

The other option is a dual-action party taking place at Sticky Rice and The Red & The Black. Video Killers are mixing music and bizarre visuals at both locations. There is no cover, so presumably you can shuffle betwixt the two venues, which are on the same block of H Street NE. Sticky Rice has $3.00 PBRs and The Red & The Black has $3.00 Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Bourbon shots. Holy shit what the fuck is Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Bourbon?! According to their website, it's popular among fisherman, hunters, and fighter pilots. Holy crap! Anyways, this sounds pretty stellar to me.

As always, work it out in the comments section people. Also, don't forget about the Source Festival tonight. Martha and I will be slinging Diet Cokes and popcorn all night long while actors do their thing. $18.00 for 3 plays that all sound really cool. DO IT!

I Have Had Enough of These Monkey Fighting Snakes on this Monday to Friday Plane!

2009-07-06T09:30:00.004-04:00

I'll start this Monday to Thursday post with yet another classic example of Andrew's YouTube prowess. We'll do one a day since it's the weekstart and presumably we all have jobs or something.

Monday

Politics & Prose is hosting author Bill Wasick. Who the fuck is Bill Wasik you might ask? Well, he's the guy who originated the idea of flash mobs. Lots of people show up to one place for no reason whatsoever. To be fair, McFadden's has been accomplishing this feat for way longer than this johnny-come-lately. Shit gets real at 7:00 and P & P is way the hell up Connecticut from the Van Ness-UDC stop, so plan accordingly.

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Tuesday

Arlington Cinema & Draft House has X-Men Origins: Wolverine showing for $1.00 at 7:30pm. I didn't see this when it came out and I heard the plot was lacking, but it's only $1.00 AND you're allowed to drink while you watch it because, you see, it's both a cinema and a draft house! It's quite a hike from the Pentagon City metro station but what can you do? Virginia sucks even when it's kind of cool.

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Wednesday

HR-57 has Jazz Jam Sessions from 8:30-12:00 every Wednesday. It's $8.00 to get in BUT it's BYOB, so you bring along some wine, beer, or crystal meth to enjoy while you listen to some jazzy jazz. I'll spare the google map because this is right on 14th street. Pre or Post gaming at the Black Cat might not be bad either. The best jumbo slice around would also be pretty sweet.

Thursday

I have to give a shout out to the Source Festival since Martha and I will be volunteering at the concessions stand this week. You get to see three one act plays for $18.00. I'm no Peter Orszag, but that sounds like $6.00 per play. Holy smokes! What a deal! The plays are The Armchair Traveller by Libby Leonard, The Relationship of Archibald and Amity as Lived Inside of an Elevator by Eric Kalman Levitz, and Beautiful American Soldier by Dano Madden. The theater is on 14th Street. Make it happen, people.

That's all for your week. We'll be back on Thursday for your weekend update. I'd also be up starting a pub quiz team composed of our loyal readers. Suggestions for bars and nights will be taken in the comments section. Happy Monday!

America Wakes Up, One Year Older and a Little Bit Wiser

2009-07-06T08:37:00.003-04:00

How was everyone's fourth? Really? That's great! Enjoy this video now courtesy of Andrew.

Haha fantastic work, America! Now, let's review things we all learned on this, America's 233rd birthday weekend:

Do NOT shake bottle rockets when you're shooting them. They backfire. Big thanks goes out to Joe F. for probably saving my life from a mischievous Seaton Place neighbor giving out bad advice such as, "Shake it!" and "Hey Julie, definitely leave your shoes in the closet!"

The bus system in Washington, D.C. costs $1.35 if you don't have a Smart Trip card. No matter how much effort you put into making sure everyone has the right amount of money, you will never be able to complete a bus trip with more than 4 people. Drunkards are useless.

If David starts drinking at 4:00pm or earlier, he gets drunk. He'll let you know about this though, so don't worry.

Hipsters like free beer and Notorious B.I.G. the exact amount you'd expect them to.

Homeless men like dancing far more than you'd expect them to.

It takes exactly two people to lift someone onto the roof a townhouse.

There's no way to control what people may do on the roof of a townhouse.

If a girl jumps into a pool and sits on your lap, your lap gets wet and then you still have to bike home at the end of the evening.

Boyfriends are overrated.

I hope everyone had a lovely Fourth of July. If you have any hilarious pictures of your holiday, I'll totally put them up so people can see them.

Inaugural Post and I Missed the Three Day Weekend

2009-07-03T09:10:00.009-04:00

OK, so I missed the three day weekend. Whatever. I wanted to see Caddy Shack at Tingley Square but one thing led to another and I stayed home, drank Yellowtail, and watched the Quantum of Solace. It was pretty good, except that the plot was never really explained and from what I could tell, the word quantum was only used once and solace was not used ever. Bonus points for the scene in which Dame Judi Dench peels off and then re-applies her entire face. Also, the Goldfinger allusion with Agent Fields.

Alright, enough of that. I have to work most of this weekend so I can't do any of these fun things.
Also, I know some of the links aren't working. Who gives a shit? That's not the story.

Friday July 3

I will be pretending that I am a spy until 9:30 tonight, so essentially no fun will be had unless you're coming to the International Spy Museum for Spy at Night! Haha just kidding, no one wants to do that! Seriously though, there are some tasty things going on tonight.

As always, I will give my blessing to the Liberation Dance Party's open bar from 9:00 to 10:30. It's $6.00 and all the rail drinks you could want. Plus you can have awesome text fights with people who ask the DJ to play Jason Mraz. The party itself is usually decent, but if you're looking to rock out with your sock gout, you need to head up the road to the 9:30 club.

Here you'll find a special installment of Blisspop, temporarily removed from the Black Cat and relocated to 9:30. Special guests include Tittsworth, Nadastrom, The Upfront DJs, and Dmerit. Actually, I'll probably go to this despite having to work tomorrow. It sounds really good.

If you're looking for cheap ass drinks, My Brother's Place has a pretty absurd beat the clock happy hour where domestic drafts start at $0.75 and go up $0.25 every hour from 4:00-9:00. That means you'll be paying $2.00 per beer by the time happy hour is over. Good god people, be careful out there.

Saturday July 4

Happy Independence Day America! Unemployment is at 9.5% nationally nowadays, with our fair District coming in at over 10% last time I cared to check. Thus, we can only hope to drink this recession away! At BBQS! In Bloomingdale!

That's right, there is a super secret BBQ that I'm sure you all received an e-card for! Hooray! Come on over to the house at around 4:00pm. The closest Metro station is Shaw-Howard University. Here's a link to Google Maps showing you how to walk up Rhode Island and Providence Plantations Avenue to Seaton Place. I honestly have no idea what we'll be doing after we get to the house. If it's anything like last year, the evening should involve wiffle ball, a drunk English girl, sparklers, and jingoistic nationalism. Basically your traditional Fourth of July celebration.

The evening offers two distinct opportunities for post-party partying. Will Eastman is hosting a secret party somewhere in DC and the location will be announced on the fourth. Conspicuously, the zip code used is 20001, which just happens to be the same zip code where the BBQ is going down. However, this zip code encompasses parts of U Street, Mount Vernon Square, and Shaw, so it could be anywhere.

Curiously, Rock and Roll Hotel is hosting a dance party, Mass Appeal, that is advertising a special guest DJ. Is this the secret party? Could DC actually be that lame? Anything is possible now that the Real World is here. I don't know about you, but I'm excited about the first episode being about meeting everyone on the weekend of the fourth and having the first hook-up/long distance relationship break-up being romantically (read: drunkenly) brought on by a Kennedy Center viewing of the fireworks. That or they just get shitty in Adams Morgan. Either way, they'll be having more sex than any of us this weekend! We're pathetic!

Happy Fourth of July everybody.

Bonus Info

The Fourth of July was canceled in Minnesota because everyone decided to drive their suburbans to their monstrous ziggurat of consumption and then they put all the Legos in Lego land on a stick and deep fried them and the State of Minnesota is no more.